Letting Go
by American Fantasy
Summary: With the ship experiencing power fluctuations, unintentionally Naomi Wildman acts as a catalyst that brings the Command team closer together and reconsider the extent of their relationship. But if only Kathryn could let go.


**A/N:** _I'm no starfleet engineer so I'm sorry if there are inaccuriacies in that department. I really just made it up to set the story up. References to the episode "Resolutions."_

xxx

It was an ordinary day in the Delta Quadrant as the senior staff sat in the briefing room for their weekly staff meeting at 1400 hours.

Leaning back in her chair at the head of the table, Captain Janeway looked to her left where her First Officer respectfully sat, "Anything else to report Commander?"

Scanning the information in his PADD, Chakotay looked up, "A few crewman have reported power fluctuations on the upper decks."

"B'Elanna?" Janeway inquired, her attention turning to her.

"Actually I discovered that this morning Captain, some of the bio-neural circuitry needs calibrating, I have a few crewman working on it at the moment but the systems might be a little unsteady for next few hours, nothing to be alarmed about."

"Good. I'll inform the crew," she looked around at each of her senior staff in turn then nodded, "Dismissed."

xxx

As the afternoon went on almost all of the crew had been aware of the power situation and were carrying on with their tasks as normal. However the only person who seemed unaware of the current situation was the youngest crew member, Naomi Wildman, who but all seemed to have escaped the grapevine of _Voyager's_ systems operations.

Wandering down the corridors of _Voyager's_ upper decks, visiting the different departments on the ship after her biology lesson from the Doctor, Naomi stood in fright as the lights along the corridor's flickered on and off, casting frightening shadows along the deserted corridors. The lights began to flicker violently. Naomi clung to the bulkhead and placed her back towards it in fear of being in the open space. Her juvenile imagination running wild.

Ordinarily she would have tapped her combadge for help but the very nature of this eerie situation made Naomi quiver, her mind was blank and preoccupied with a thousand thoughts running through her head. Was _Voyager_ under attack? Were they being invaded?

There was no Red Alert, and the ship didn't appear to be firing weapons, but yet she stood motionless against the bulkhead. Naomi sank to the ground bringing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs tightly and burying her head between her knees.

The lights continued to flicker for the next few minutes and still Naomi sat huddled in a ball against the bulkhead, she had not seen anyone for at least 10 minutes and as such, the corridors remained deserted, rendering her alone.

"Naomi?" a deep voice questioned, rounding the corner and seeing the small figure curled up tightly in a ball on the floor.

"Commander?" Naomi's head popped up in surprise, hearing the familiar sound of her Commanding officer's voice. Looking into the darkness of the corridor she could just make out Chakotay's towering figure in the flickering lights.

He crouched down beside her until he was at her level and placed a gentle hand on her forearm, "It's just the power Naomi, nothing to be scared about."

She nodded, now realizing that the situation was harmless but still she felt no real comfort from knowing that, "Can I stay with you until it stops?" she looked at him with pleading innocent eyes.

"Of course," he replied good-heartedly, holding out his hand to her. Naomi looked at him for a second before letting go of her tightly bundled form, warming up to her Commanding officers assistance and slipping her small hand into his large one as he helped her up and guided her to his office.

xxx

Entering Chakotay's office it was thankfully lighter than the corridors with the viewport streaming dim light throughout the room. Chakotay headed towards his replicator.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, i'm fine thank you," Naomi replied politely as she looked out at the stars, feeling a comforting relief from the light that they provided.

Chakotay replicated a cup of tea then stood behind her, putting a hand on her small shoulder unconsciously protective of this child. Although no real danger existed, Naomi's fears provoked a protective instinct inside of himself that he never knew existed, especially to_ Voyager's_ only child. He took a sip of his tea trying to ease this feeling he was experiencing, which he didn't quite understand himself.

"Star gazing helps you to relax?" he asked her softly.

"Yes."

"Looks like you and Captain Janeway, have something in common then."

"Really?" she looked up at the tall man standing behind her.

"Most definitely, I often catch her gazing out of her viewport, usually when she's pensive about something," he began to sit down on the couch and Naomi followed.

After a comfortable silence Naomi looked up at Chakotay, "Commander, Neelix has been teaching me to identify edible food sources and I was wondering...do you think that Captain Janeway, would allow me go on an away mission with him the next time we are in need of supplies?"

Chakotay smiled at her proposed request, though Naomi's Ktarian genes accelerated her growth and mental age progressively faster than the human rate, Chakotay could not help but look at this small child and grapple at how mature and bright this young girl was considering that in human years she was merely three years old.

"I'm sure that if you ask her nicely, she might grant your wish; what with you being the Captain's assistant now. I think it's time you start to take on more responsibilities...that is only if you want to?

"Oh more than anything!" her young face lit up exuberantly.

"I thought so," Chakotay chuckled.

A few seconds later the lights started to flash again and Chakotay noticed Naomi stiffen in fright once more. Without a second thought Chakotay put his arm around her small shoulder, which she ever so slowly began to relax into as she warmed into his comforting embrace. Though there were plenty of males aboard _Voyager_ and with Neelix being a primary helping hand in Naomi's life, Chakotay couldn't help but feel a little saddened by her situation, growing up without a father.

"Do you like stories, Naomi?"

She nodded her head slowly still a little frightened.

"Well, how about I tell you about an ancient legend I was told long ago when I was young," he mused trying to rustle up an appropriate story to alleviate the situation. He'd done it once a few years before and sure enough he thought to himself for Naomi's sake, he'd do it again.

xxx

Once Chakotay, had finished telling Naomi the ancient legend that he expertly made up, the lights and power aboard _Voyager_ had fully restored. Chakotay looked down to see the half Ktarian child asleep, her precious head nestled against his side and Chakotay's comforting arm still wrapped around her shoulder. They painted quite a picture. Chakotay, couldn't help but wonder if this was as close to being a father as he was ever going to get. _Voyagers_ child.

Tenderly he tucked a lock of her long blonde hair behind her right ear and careful not to wake her he gently lifted Naomi up so that her head nestled softly on his strong shoulder.

It wasn't long after Chakotay had exited his office, still carrying Naomi's sleeping form, when he was stopped by a raspy voice sounding behind him.

"Commander?"

Chakotay turned around slowly to see his auburn haired Captain walk up to him, her eyebrows slightly furrowed in puzzlement about the situation of the sleeping child he held to him.

"I found her tucked into a ball around the corner, a little scared about the light situation," Chakotay whispered.

Kathryn's face fell, "Oh I should have known..."

"You can't be to blame Kathryn, besides she was alright after I found her. I took her back to my office and told her a story, by the time I had finished she was..." he looked down at Naomi, "Well as she is now," he smiled.

"Another one of your ancient legends?"

"Something like that," he gave her a playful smirk.

"I was just coming to see you actually," she shook the PADD in her hand, "But I can see you're probably on you way to put her down?"

He had shared a few words with her since her birth, appeared at her birthday parties and helped her a little with her Alpha Quadrant history, but in general Chakotay did not have much to do with Naomi Wildman, surprising Kathryn even more. She had never even considered whether Chakotay had wanted a family before. But looking at Naomi sleeping soundly against him, she couldn't help but notice how natural it looked to her.

Kathryn stepped closer and stroked Naomi's soft cheek tenderly with a finger, her face lighting up with radiant glow about it, one which Chakotay, did not fail to miss.

"I am, but now that you mention it...I don't think i've ever been to Samantha's quarters before."

Kathryn smiled, she knew that Chakotay could easily ask the computer, but would obviously enjoy her company far better.

She rolled her eyes turning from him then looked back over shoulder.

"This way."

xxx

Once the Command team arrived at Samantha's quarters Kathryn keyed in her Captain's override code and stepped in, Chakotay entered Naomi's bedroom and tucked her gently into her bed, pulling the blankets over her and even tucked her flotter doll in her arms which in her sleepy daze Naomi subconsciously grasped.

Kathryn stood at the doorway leaning against the frame watching Chakotay tuck the young child in bed. Kathryn's heart quivered when she saw Chakotay place a gentle kiss on Naomi's forehead. _He'd make a good father _she thought to herself, then realized that what she was really thinking about what a good father Chakotay, would make to _their_ child. _What child?_ There could never be one. She was the Captain and he was her First Officer and that was the way it had to be.

She chided herself once more for momentarily letting herself indulge in such imaginative thoughts. That image she had painted in her mind would never be a reality to her. But as Kathryn returned to reality, she couldn't help but be touched by Chakotay's gentle nature.

When Chakotay eventually turned around he took sight of Kathryn, who looked at him with such emotion, trying to abate her adoration towards Chakotay which threatened to surface.

Joining her at the doorframe he questioned her curiously, "What?"

"Nothing," she brushed it off, "Nothing at all."

Kathryn turned and they both exiting the quarters, walking down the corridor side by side in close proximity to one another.

They entered the turbolift soon after, "Bridge," Kathryn commanded.

They were silent for a few seconds until Kathryn turned to Chakotay, "Do you have dinner plans?"

"Only ones that involve Neelix's cooking."

"Well in that case, would you be brave enough to try my cooking?"

"I trust you, Kathryn."

His words struck her with a feeling that warmed her heart, and a soft smile etched itself on her face.

"Good. 1900 hours my quarters."

The turbolift stopped just as she finished her sentence and the doors swooshed opened. They entered the bridge together and proceeded to carry on with the afternoon as normal and finish off the remaining few hours of their duty shifts.

"Commander, you have the bridge, i'll be in my ready room."

"Aye Captain."

xxx

Later that night,

Kathryn paced her quarters after she finished her duty shift, what had she been thinking?

_Do you have dinner plans? _Kathryn shook her head at her spontaneous invitation. Tonight was not their weekly dinner date, yet she had overstepped the mark again and pushed for more than she should have. It had not been easy keeping those feelings at bay ever since New Earth, but yet the littlest things Chakotay would do seemed to prompt those feelings once more. Her self control was starting to slip and she knew it this time when she had allowed herself to indulge in fantasies that to her Starfleet standards were realistically impossible.

However she stuck to her invitation and set the table for dinner then stood in front of her viewport awaiting Chakotay's arrival.

On cue Chakotay rang the chime to Kathryn's quarters and she bid him entry. He brought with him a bottle of cider which upon entering he began to pour into the glasses already set on the table. Kathryn didn't move from her spot staring out of the viewport, which puzzled Chakotay, but he nevertheless ignored it.

The lights were dim just the way she preferred it, but it didn't seem to help the situation and only aided in setting a romantic aura about the room.

"What are you thinking about?" Chakotay came up to her with the glasses of cider.

"Huh?"

She snapped out of her reverie

"This afternoon when I took Naomi into my office, I noticed her staring out of the viewport as you are doing now and I told her you do it when you are thinking deeply about something."

She sighed shrugging it off, "Just ship business that's all," she lied taking the glass from him that he offered her.

"Alright," he let it go for the meantime.

xxx

They enjoyed dinner in a quiet banter, mostly small talk and more of the ships business. But Chakotay observed her rigid manner and reluctance to talk about anything personal that evening, which was something they had become accustomed to talking about during their dinners over the years. After all it was a time where they could put aside their obligations of being Commanding officers and just be Kathryn and Chakotay; Two officers enjoying one another's company. But it had never been _just_ that. Deep down they both knew that their realtionship extended further than that. If only they would ever admit it.

"Naomi, was asking me this afternoon whether or not you would allow her to go on her first away mission with Neelix, to gather new food sources?"

Kathryn's beautiful features shone as she lifted her head up looking straight at Chakotay. She smiled thinking of sweet Naomi Wildman, her sleeping angelic face nestled against Chakotay's shoulder as he held the small child in a fatherly manner, like it was the most natural thing in the world to him.

"Already? It just seem's like yesterday that she was born."

"I know what you mean, but she's growing up fast and she's a bright one."

"That she is," Kathryn sighed, "What did you tell her?"

"That if she asked you nicely, you might allow it."

"I don't think I could ever turn down that face..." she trailed off quietly to herself, stiffening in her chair as she began to conjure up an inner desire about a life with Chakotay. Thinking about their relationship, a life that they could have together if circumstances were different and allowed it. Feelings and longings for a family that she long thought she had banished. But the Alpha Quadrant was still a distant journey. They could very well be in the Delta Quadrant for the rest of their lives.

"Kathryn, are you alright?" Chakotay questioned her, this time unwilling to let it go after seeing her in such a tense state and distracted by all conversation that evening.

"I'm fine," she lied again, pushing her plate forward on the table.

Chakotay, eyed her suspiciously, "No, I think it is something."

"Just leave it Commander."

"Commander now is it? Now I know that something is wrong. Come on Kathryn, I think we've been through too much for me to leave it alone when I know that something is obviously bothering you."

"It's not that something is_ bothering_ me."

"Then what is it?" Chakotay pushed.

She leant back in her chair pinching the bridge her nose, "I'm just - I'm just...trying to put things into perspective."

"Care to enlighten me?"

She put her napkin down, standing up and walking away from the table, strolling over to the viewport then sitting down on her couch with an audible sigh. Chakotay likewise followed suit.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly, concerned for her when she didn't answer him.

"We could be out here for a long time," Kathryn said aloud.

"I have every faith that you will get us home, Kathryn. You have too much tenacity in you to ever stop trying."

"I know...but that's the thing. My want to get home, isn't just a desire. We _have_ to get home. But in order to do that I have to put my best efforts forward and completely dedicate my focus to this ship and to this crew. This is _my_ responsibility and _my_ burden."

"And you have been doing that Kathryn, but surely by now you must understand that you don't have to do this alone. You aren't alone."

"Chakotay, I don't have the luxuries the rest of the crew has, I have higher responsibilities and I look to you for support and guidance at times when my judgment is clouded."

"And I will always be here for you, you know that right?"

"Yes I do, but that's the issue. I can never let that support between us to break."

Chakotay looked at her with furrowed eyebrows confused at where she was going with this.

She lowered her head and fiddled with her fingers that rested delicately on her lap.

"Do you ever think about New Earth? And what might have happened if _Voyager_ had never come back?"

He was caught by surprise, looking at her deeply as she lifted her head and they locked their eyes together. This was the real test of their relationship.

"_Everyday_."

It was one simple word, but it spoke volumes about his feelings towards her.

Kathryn nodded, she now understood that they had both been battling against their attraction and feelings towards one another since their return to _Voyager_ those years ago.

She sighed heavily then stood up and ran a hand down her face, her back facing him, unable to look at him as she struggled to grapple with her emotions.

"What am I doing?" she whispered to herself.

Chakotay stood, coming up behind her. He placed his strong hands on her shoulders, only then did he realize just how small she actually was. He could feel the tenseness in her shoulders, this was cutting her deep. Chakotay understood why she was afraid, she was beginning to lose grasp of her Command facade, so close to letting those invisible forces down.

He was not going to make the same mistake again, he wasn't going to let her hide behind her Captain's mask again. There was a window of opportunity staring him right in the face and he'd be damned to lose it. It was now or never.

"Don't try to deny it, Kathryn. I think we both know by now that what we share is more than just friendship. I realized that many years ago, but I made the mistake of not fighting for it. Fighting for us, because I know it's not easy for you to change your ways."

Kathryn quivered under his touch, she knew where he was going with this and she had been the one to let it get this far. Using the last ounce of control she had left in her, she pleaded to him shakily.

"Please...please don't say it."

"I have to, because i'm tired of lying to myself and I know you are too."

Kathryn turned around so that there was an inch between them, their bodies so close that they could feel the body heat radiate from one another.

"I love you."

There it was, he had said it.

For the longest time they stood staring into each others eyes, feeling the warmth of their breath on their faces, until slowly they inched closer and closer together until their lips met with a soft yet electrifying touch.

Chakotay allowed Kathryn to control the pace, not wanting to push her into anything she wasn't ready for. Expecting Kathryn to pull away the moment they touched Chakotay was surprised when she didn't hesitate to kiss him back. Soon enough their soft delicate kisses soon began to hasten and Chakotay realized that this time Kathryn wasn't backing down. She wasn't defining parameters, she was broadening them, her hand snaked around the back of his neck as she slid her fingers through his hair, pulling their heads closer to each other. Their kiss began to intensify as their lips parted taking inventory of the insides of their mouth. Pressing their bodies against another Kathryn, placed a hand on his tight chest, feeling his heart beat wildly in his chest. They pulled apart with one last fervent kiss, but they held onto one another closely. Kathryn's eyes glistened with her relentless love for this man.

"I love you too," she whispered, "but-"

Chakotay, clasped Kathryn's hands in his own and brought it to his lips, placing tender kisses on the base of her palms.

"Don't think for a minute that just because you're the Captain, you don't have the same rights as the rest of the crew. We've managed this far, and we're still standing. Because of you, because of us, because of the crew and because of _Voyager_. We're a family Kathryn, we look out for one another, and as Seven would say, 'we will adapt'. Just look at how far she has come, Tom and B'Elanna would never be together, all the things we've seen, the things we've experienced, it's all because we are in this together; That will never change just because you decided to give into your feelings. Love will only make you stronger. It'll make us stronger."

Kathryn smiled widely at Chakotay, tears of joy streaming down her face. She combed her fingers through his as she had done once long ago, looking into his loving eyes and seeing his equally smiling face, dimples and all. A moment so analogous from a time before, but this time Kathryn knew for certain that this was forever.

THE END


End file.
